Nasty Sport

Yesterday, bored to tears watching Notre Dame get mauled by Michigan, I realized that, with the picture off and some bongo drums, this football game had a running narrative to a porno movie. Listen in, won't you?

"Look at that penetration!"
"He's running it right up the middle."
"He's completing almost all of his passes."
"Backfield is in motion..."
"He's IN!"
"Dead ball foul.."
"Two minute warning."
"That was defensive holding."
"Bump and run..."
"He got in because of double coverage..."
"False start."
"No doubt, a hot receiver."
"Going to hurry up offense."
"..the best wide receiver.."
"Offensive holding."
"He's third and long. Again."
"Time out for a substitution."
"Illegal motion."
"He's opening up HUGE holes..."
"Oooo. Roughing the passer. That'll cost you."
"Offensive pass interferance."
"He has possession."
"It's a live ball!"
"Uh oh. Too many men."
"He was in the neutral zone."
"Illegal shift."
"And the point after is GOOD!"
"They're piling on..."
"There's an open receiver!"
"No pass protection."
"Offensive line."
"Excessive time outs."
"He's going wide.."
"Illegal shift."
"Intentional grounding."
And, because Notre Dame is a Catholic college, throwing the "Hail Mary."

I think women would like football more if they just listened.