December 09, 2006

M-O-U-S-EEEEEEEEE

Truth be told, I lost any semblance of false modesty when my mother married fothermucker #2 (the rocket science years - 1960 - 1968), who found it unnecessary to put a towel around himself between the bathroom and the bedroom.
My bedroom door opened onto this scenic corridor, and I watched my friend Katy attempt to say hello to him without collapsing in laughter during one such encounter. Ah, the family memories.
Understandably, I was confused by the brouhaha over Janet Jackson's "wardrobe malfunction," having seen it with my own eyes during Super Bowl half time and taken little notice. I didn't even bother mentioning it to Paul when he returned for the third quarter. So what if the little Mickey Mouse Club guy did a stupid dance with Michael Jackson's baby sister? It was ridiculous, he knew it would be ridiculous, and that's why he left during half time. The FCC should have fined the broadcast for being the entertainment equivalent of dead air.
Why, then does this little Mickey Mouse Club alum picture seem so, I don't know, so creepy?
It's certainly not her nakedness.
Didn't her mother teach her how to exit an automobile (open door, legs together, swing legs and body facing the door, feet on ground, then stand. Fun Fact! It's also better for your back!)? Is it that she knows she's naked from the waist down and pretending that she doesn't? Is it that she doesn't know? Has multiple childbirth numbed her genitalia? Does being in the company of Paris Hilton suck your brain from your head (see picture below)?
Those are the questions. Because I LOATHE lewd, sniggering, Puritanical entertainment news coverage, I propose it be killed post haste by witty reparte or outright cattery. (For a sampling of appropriate Hollywood cattery, go to http://www.snarkywood.com/ )
Have at it.

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