Hey Joe, Part Deux

Today I have left my faith.
Today, St. Joseph has officially turned his Patriarchal-Head-of-the-One-Holy-Catholic-and-Apolstolic-Church back on me by not helping me sell my house, even after I buried a statue of him in our yard by the 'For Sale' sign.
With sadness, I bid him farewell, with my pretty sincere apology for that inappropriate joke I made about Mary on August 5. He had a whole month to give me a miracle, and decided not to. Okay.
I am now a practicing member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Already - and I've only been a member for a few minutes - a miracle.
Because of my obvious absence of faith, I looked first for FSM Sightings. As my little hourglass thingy blinked....whoosh. I was transported to a page that read The Page Cannot Be Found.
THE PAGE CANNOT BE FOUND!!! Sightings, you see, must be found in your HEART. You cannot find the FSM with a link. Oh joy. At last, my very essence springs forth with happiness, with the deep pleasure of giving my soul to the one, true God. My hands waved up in the air, but I felt his/her voice inside of me say, "How can you spread my word while you are waving?" So, trembling with the spirit, I return to my keyboard.
I know, I know, you can't stand Jehovah's Witnesses, with their bla bla bla. Believe me, that is not what I'm doing. You know in your heart when something is true. And this is it.
Jehovah and Allah are angry Gods. You don't want them.
Buddha let himself be blown up by the Taliban, so he won't do you much good.
Our God is the newest God - younger, with more appendages. Our God can beat up their Gods.
As a matter of fact, all the other gods are now officially going to lower case 'g.' I'm the profit (prophet, in less noodly beliefs), so I can make rules.
The second rule is that all the little kids in Catholic Schools who write JMJ at the top of their papers (to dedicate their work to Jesus, Mary and Joseph, you pagan) will now write FSM.
Okay, back to the faith.
The only thing we haven't covered is the money. You know it isn't a real Church unless they give you a miracle and ask for money. I gave you the miracle.
The money place is
http://www.venganza.org/help.htm
I have dibs on Media Whore, so don't start with me.
Now, let us pray.
Memorare to Flying Spaghetti Monster
Remember, O most illustrious Patriarch Flying Spaghetti Monster, on the testimony of St. Kitty, thy devoted servant, never hath it been heard that anyone who has invoked thy protection or sought thy mediation has not obtained relief. In this confidence, I come before thee, my loving protector, chaste spouse of Mrs. Flying Spaghetti Monster, foster father of the Saviour of men and dispenser of the treasures of His Sacred Sauce. Despise not my earnest prayer but graciously hear and obtain my petition.
Ramen.
Say this every day for a month, meaning every word, and my house will sell. If you don't, then FSM will smite you to an eternity of bad Thai food and other tortures too gruesome to mention in this happy time.
Go in peace, my al dente pastafarians.
Pray like we're out of Parmasan.