Heart vs. Life

In my heart, I am a philanthropist.
In my life, non-profit organizations, with their circuitous operating style, endless meetings, ridiculous committees, lack of focus and volunteer mentality, remind me of organized religion. At least they produce similar chest pounding, fist clenching, teeth grinding fury.
I can practice Vodou because it's very honest with the vodouissant. Their belief system has a horizontal business chart. It's entertaining, relevant, does not require attendance, and if you do go, there's lots of dancing, music (well, drums) and revelrie. They like their saints, and they believe their saints like them, too. It's disorganized religion at its finest, but it gets the job done. Hougnans and mambos (their clergy) answer to no one, run their peristyle (church) any way they want, and behave like more like neighborhood grandparents than fire and brimstone spouting holy rollers. It doesn't pretend to be organized. Life is messy.
For the last five years, I've lived in a beautiful little community on the Oregon coast. There were two warnings I ignored before getting mixed up with three non-profits: one, from a local (who no longer speaks to me) who warned against joining anything for at least a year; and two, there are seven different kinds of Lutheran churches here. Under ten thousand people, and seven kinds of Lutherans.
Like I said, I ignored two big fat signs.
Most people who work or volunteer for non-profits are basically good souls with good intentions. That ends the plus side of the ledger.
None had a mission statement that was worth a shit. Most didn't know why it was important to have a mission statement at all, nor did they think it was an important thing to spend time working on. They knew why they were there. The problem was, they all knew something different.
The Boards of Directors had between four and thirteen members, but four people always did all the work. Those four people made sure everyone knew how hard they worked. It was not relevant whether the work was critical to the mission of the organization. It was hard work and they spent a lot of time on it, whatever the hell it was.
Finances were always a disaster. No one knew, or cared, what dual control was. Conflict of interest was rampant, funds (if there were any) were managed badly, and no one gave a damn. Thanks for your hard work.
Meetings were torture. If there were an agenda, it was passed out seconds before the meeting. People blathered on about nothing in particular, and were miffed if asked what agenda item was being blathered about. It was very, very important to be nice. These people were working hard, and were underpaid, if they were paid at all. Consensus was king. Did we all AGREE? Well, allrighty then.
There was constant actionable behavior. By actionable, I mean there could have been a lawsuit that even Johnny O (a local sleaze-ball attorney) could have won against the organization. Breach of contract, inappropriate physical contact, conflict of interest, and more.
Further, the most Officer and Director Liability Insurance coverage for any of these three places was an aggregate amount of $1 million. On that board, that was a whole $100,000 apiece. Yikes! Bye!
Nothing, of course, happened. Lots of money was badly spent, with no competitive bidding (hey Dick! Let's give this contract to Halliburton!). Competent people were fired or left in disgust, and the status quo reins supreme.
My friend, Dr. Tessa Warshaw, used to teach "Financial Planning for Women" with me. Her book, titled Rich is Better (after the old Sophie Tucker quote, "I've been rich, and I've been poor. Rich is better.") encouraged people to dump the "poverty mentality." Her theory was, in short, that somewhere along the way, some people learned that money was evil. With this knowledge, they behaved in a way to ensure that evil would not permeate their lives. She spent her life attempting to debunk that myth.
I was very unsuccessful as a board member for non-profits. I am an unashamed capitalist, have been a business person for the majority of my life, and have little patience for misrepresentation. Non-profit organizations and organized religion have an evil commonality.
They're not organized.
My man, an insightful writer with a quick wit and sharp eye, summed up my frustration in dealing with people who were constantly fund raising to make their measly little payroll. "Watch it, Kitty," he warned. "They're going bake sale on you."
Therein lies the rub. You can't mix a girl who goes ballistic with an organization that goes bake sale.
You can bank on that.