Only 291 Shopping Days Left!!!
In a mere 292 days, I'll be 20,000 days old.
As a December baby, ten days older than some little Hispanic kid named Jesus (who has managed to create the miracle of winter shopping frenzy throughout the Christian world), I stood little chance of much birthday celebration. I grew to detest the phrase, "This is your birthday AND Christmas present."
Hint to Christians...don't conceive in March, or your kid will grow to resent the Messiah. Ask my brother, born December 28. It's a drag.
So, recognizing that religious resentment is causing more than a few worldwide problems, I prayed to the Hispanic baby, and came up with this divinely inspired resolution. On September 17, 2007, I will be 20,000 days old. Think of the possibilities!
No more 9/11, and all the horrific connotations it drags along with it. Now we have 9/17, a glorious day on which you can stop going batshit wondering whether the gift you bought will be the one I love the most!
September 17 is the birthday of fothermucker #2 (see August 11 for gory details). Now you need not worry whether his abandonment caused me permanent psychological damage! It is MY birthday obliterating his. Neener, neener, neener...
It is eleven days before a REALLY BIG birthday of Paul's! Unlike Jesus, I'd LOVE sharing the fabulous gifts and trips you're considering with Paul. (Need some hints? Look at October 5).
You can take advantage of all the after Christmas sales, and I won't even know it! I'll think you paid full retail price for that little three carat bauble, and won't you feel smart!
So, sit back and relax. You're off the hook this year. But next year...mark your calendars. September 17.
It's the new Christmas.
As a December baby, ten days older than some little Hispanic kid named Jesus (who has managed to create the miracle of winter shopping frenzy throughout the Christian world), I stood little chance of much birthday celebration. I grew to detest the phrase, "This is your birthday AND Christmas present."
Hint to Christians...don't conceive in March, or your kid will grow to resent the Messiah. Ask my brother, born December 28. It's a drag.
So, recognizing that religious resentment is causing more than a few worldwide problems, I prayed to the Hispanic baby, and came up with this divinely inspired resolution. On September 17, 2007, I will be 20,000 days old. Think of the possibilities!
No more 9/11, and all the horrific connotations it drags along with it. Now we have 9/17, a glorious day on which you can stop going batshit wondering whether the gift you bought will be the one I love the most!
September 17 is the birthday of fothermucker #2 (see August 11 for gory details). Now you need not worry whether his abandonment caused me permanent psychological damage! It is MY birthday obliterating his. Neener, neener, neener...
It is eleven days before a REALLY BIG birthday of Paul's! Unlike Jesus, I'd LOVE sharing the fabulous gifts and trips you're considering with Paul. (Need some hints? Look at October 5).
You can take advantage of all the after Christmas sales, and I won't even know it! I'll think you paid full retail price for that little three carat bauble, and won't you feel smart!
So, sit back and relax. You're off the hook this year. But next year...mark your calendars. September 17.
It's the new Christmas.
posted by Kitty O'Keefe at 7:14 AM
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