Stigmata

I don't wish to alarm you, but I have the stigmata.
Well, actually it's only on the right side, but the way I see it, the nails weren't pounded in all at the same time, were they?
With my particular interesting religious background, you may doubt me. Just like Thomas, after Jesus had risen from the dead. Thomas had to go over and stick his hand in the wound Jesus had from the evil Roman guard's sword at the crucifixion.
Okay fine. Be a doubting Thomas. Come on the hell over and see it for yourself.
I have the stigmata.
The right hand stigmata (which is the best kind to have).
Open your hymnals to "Let It Bleed." Dr. John? The piano, please.
"Well, we all need someone we can lean on,
And, if you want to, well, you can lean on me.
Well, we all need someone we can bleed on,
And, if you want to, you can bleed on me."
God gave ME the miracle, so he loves ME best, and from this day forward, I'M making all the rules. Let us give thanks to the Lord. It is fitting and just.
Gratias agamus Domino Deo nostro. Dignum et justum est.
Amen