December 01, 2006

Word Nazis

I quake at the notion of the very typing of the word "Nazi." The word police are everywhere. The N word? This time it's Nazi.
A very bright, articulate, well educated, successful local businessman in Astoria - each being extraordinary for its uniqueness - described the participants of a recent movie's spelling bee as "word Nazis." I felt such relief.
Before "spellcheck", I was a constant dictionary looker-upper. Sometimes I had trouble finding the word at all, so unsure about its spelling was I. Does it start with an "e" or an "i"? By the time I found it, I wondered, "Is this really worth the effort?"
It's interesting that I am intolerant (is that an "ant" or an "ent"?) of an analogous lack of precision in mathematics. As most women are, I am a terrible estimator. Whether a number is 10, 100, 1000, or 10000 sometimes escapes me, as I am also decimally crippled. But, with paper and pencil (or HP-12C), I'll get the answer, with six decimal places.
About 10 means absolutely nothing to me. What do you mean by about? Under? Close to? Closer to 10 than 5? Than 8? If the number is an exponent (is that an "ent" or an "ant"?), that makes a BIG difference.
Conversely, is my meaning changed by intolerence or exponant? You knew what I meant!
My step-father once told my mother that he was bringing home some people for dinner that week-end. "How many?" she asked. "Five or ten couples."
I burst out laughing, and both of them looked at me quizzically (originally typed with one "z"). "What's so funny?"
Mom looked panicked. I could see that "Please don't piss him off" look in her eyes, and said, "Nothing."
Silently, my mother made plans for seating and feeding ten or twenty people, while I was giggling to myself. He's a ROCKET SCIENTIST. Precise calculations are critical to success in his missions that cost taxpayers millions and millions of dollars a pop. And his best estimate for a dinner party has a 50% variance (ence?)?
So here's the deal. I'm a number Nazi, not a word Nazi, and if you wonder why I write notes to you having no big words, it's because I think you're a word Nazi.
And I think it's a far better thing to be a number Nazi, because meaning isn't lost when a word is spelled incorrectly, but meaning is demolished when a number is wrong.
Ask Count von Count.
Tell him Countess Spella O'Badlee sent you.

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