Does This Make Me Look Fat?

Cranky

I'm a little grouchy and under the weather today. To be over the weather, I'd have to be in an airplane, which would probably make me sicker and therefore more grouchy.
That said, here are a few cheerful little remarks to make myself, and you, feel better...

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
-- Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
-- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."
-- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."
-- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?"
-- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."
-- Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know."
-- Abraham Lincoln

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
-- Groucho Marx

"Sir, you are drunk!"
-- Woman, to Winston Churchill
"Yes, ma'am, I am drunk, and you are ugly. But, tomorrow, I will not be drunk."
-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."
-- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
-- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one."
-- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."
-- Winston Churchill, in response

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
-- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."
-- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
-- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
-- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
-- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy."
-- Walter Kerr

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
-- Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
-- Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
-- Thomas Brackett Reed

"He inherited some good instincts from his Quaker forebears, but by diligent hard work, he overcame them."
-- James Reston (about Richard Nixon)

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
-- Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
-- Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"
-- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
-- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
-- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination."
-- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
-- Billy Wilder

Charming Rental

Away for the Week-End

Now "home" is the house for sale on the Oregon Coast AND a charming little rental in the Hawthorne District of Portland.
Being around real estate agents these last few months has taught me to look at the positive side of every property, so here's a glimpse of Portland...

It's got a great view.
It's in a picturesque neighborhood.
It stands tall among its peers.
It's in a quiet neighborhood.
It's cozy.
It affords the opportunity for great arobic exercise.

Do come visit soon. Don't forget your sleeping bag, rifle and bug repellant.

Teach

Teach Your Children Well

I've recently joined a writer's online group. As a person who does not shun controversy, I find it alarming that my most provocative piece, judged strictly from the number of comments, was that of advice for my 12 year old niece (see "For Clarisa" dated September 7).
There was one overriding sentiment in these comments, that of replace "use protection" with "practice abstinence."
Let's take a look at the data.
With 12,000 participants in a federal study, abstinence pledgees did delay the first incidence of sexual intercourse by 18 months, had fewer sexual partners and married earlier.
However, more than half broke their pledge, and developed sexually transmitted diseases at about the same rate as adolescents who had not made abstinence pledges. One of the Yale research authors stated, "telling teenagers to 'just say no,' without understanding risk or how to protect oneself from risk, turns out to create greater risk of sexually transmitted diseases."
It occurs that pledgers are probably not more likely to have protection. It's like they PLANNED it.
When I consider that some parents set a standard of complete sexual repression at males' sexual peak development, I think about the analogy with Catholic dogma. "Girls in Catholic school uniforms are hot!" said a writer friend last week. Why, because we always say no?
What IS this dilemman we're promoting?
The half of the boys who break their promise, and the boys who never promised at all, will all be looking at my beautiful, voluptuous, charming young niece. Of COURSE I want her to say no. But what consequence will she suffer if she does not? Disease? Pregnancy?
Too high a price, I think.

Native American Lord Buckley

Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me A Mercedes Benz?

Let It Down
Richard "Lord" Buckley, 1906-1960

Like to hear a good little commercial kick? Jingle? Like to hear a jingle?

Mmmmmaaaaaaaaaaa!

Yes, I know honey they're tryin' to shoot the moon out of the sky so you girls can't jump over it any more. I read the papers, too, but LET IT DOWN, BABY, LET IT DOWN.

Mmmmmmmaaaaaaaaa!

Yes, I know, honey, you'd like to get out there in them green lush fields with them honey birds swingin' around the daffodils and the wild flowers and all dem butterflys are flyin' around in that sweet breeze and I want you to get there, but just do me a little favor, sugar, LET IT DOWN, BABY, LET IT DOWN.

Mmmmmmmaaaaaaaaa!

Don't sing me none of your love songs, honey, I got eighteen a' you girls to take care of this morning. That milk truck will be along here in a minute now, Let's not get fussy. Let's do what we're supposed to do, let's have a meeting of minds, Sugar, just LET IT DOWN, BABY, LET IT DOWN.

Hey! Daggone, look at that fresh milk! By, God, it's nutricious enriched. There'll be fresh milk for everybody today.

Thank ya, Honey.

Mmmmmmmaaaaaaaa!

Right!